What Is Fear Of Intimacy ?
Many times we read or hear that someone has a 'fear of intimacy' and we instinctively assume that this goes for intimate physical actions, which... is not entirely true and I will tell you why.
How do we know someone has a FOI or FOI symptoms:
- have had a lot of short and fickle relationships (serial dater)
- has trust issues
- low confidence
- not able to form a committed relationship (relationship sabotage)
- not able to share emotions (emotionally unavailable)
- has got anger issues
- avoid physical contact
- avoids eye to eye contact
- or the opposite - has got insatiable sexual desire - interest in porn, different partners and sexual acts without connection on deep level with a partner, eg. making love. This is also called 'a sexual immaturity'.
- live in a forced by self social isolation
Healthy relationships are based on combination of all four types of intimacy: emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical. People with FOI are not able to connect on two or even three of these levels, hence they other find themselves in toxic or short-lived relationships.
Where is FOI coming from , what's causing it ?
The causes come from the childhood as every other mental disorder and the reasons could be various:
- childhood sexual abuse
- avoidant personality disorder
This happens when children have been abandoned or overly controlled and reprimanded as very small, or even both. People with abandonment issues fear is getting too close as they might find themselves out of a sudden betrayed, left out in the cold or ghosted. People with engulfment have fear of been domineered in a relationship and they will loose their own identity.
"Perhaps they reprimanded you for crying or shut you down whenever you tried expressing the things that were important to you. Or perhaps you had a parent who was emotionally unstable and you feared that by expressing your needs you would end up tipping them “over the edge”. Instead, you learnt to counterbalance this by ridding of your own needs." (When you’re terrified of relationships: overcoming fear of intimacy)
Lacking or omitting emotional expression can lead to depression, anxiety, anger management issues or even worse - substance abuse.
How to overcome these fears?
As most mental issues this one derives and it is so related to lack of confidence . To improve or completely release it could be a challenging task , but not impossible. It's mostly related on fixing a whole attitude towards life and the people that matter. If you feel that you or your loved one is going through hard time to create or stay in committed relationship, lacks confidence, is depressed and angry or self-isolated, do not hesitate to reach out for a free first life coaching session. Schedule an appointment calendar.